We broke the sex streak and had sex twice yesterday, once during Jashar’s nap and then again shortly before midnight. Josh told me he needed to have me again, because it’s all he’s been thinking about since our earlier encounter. That and of course how good I sucked his dick. It’s funny what sex does…It’s such a fucking drug. it makes me feel like everything is OK or things aren’t as bad as they seem, and that we can definitely persevere through anything as long as we have each other. Sex makes me turn into a high school fucking cheerleader sampling an anti depressant just to bring in a little additional boost of pep and spirit to her game. Ha, scratch that -GREAT SEX.

Josh went to the beach both Saturday and Sunday and didn’t drink. He did very well, it being his first official weekend out since July pretty much. He came home completely sober from the beach. He didn’t think he could do it. I knew he could. He relies so much on excuses and never gives himself enough credit. I’ve always know he’s stronger than he thinks himself to be. Funny thing, is his self-hating narcissistic ass probably thinks he’s stronger than I even think him to be, he’s just chosen not to be to continue to coast down that victim route. I’m sure I’m guilty of the same in different ways. He’s promised things will be different now. Like that’s not the thousandth time I’ve heard that. However, so far so good.

I think my hyper paranoia about being pregnant is just that…paranoia. Chris tells me I’m just creating anxiety because life has started getting a little bit better and I’m not use to that. I feel like I’ve been having pre-menstrual food cravings and not just herb induced munchies. I believe my app may be giving me the right info and I should start my period today with 27 more days until I stress out again. Unless I change birth controls again. Try the low dose estrogen, then I should be worry free as far as that department goes. One more day to decide. Instead of worrying about getting pregnant, I’ll just have to worry about how to get my son to fall back asleep at night without the familiar comfort of a little boob.