The First of the Year.

This night was a combination of New Years and Josh’s birthday and just overall celebration because we wanted to. We procured a bit of psylocybin to aid in our overall enjoyment. As the anxiety began, we decided to venture out to Las Olas with Jashar and count down the minutes till we could drop him off at my friend Jackie’s around 9:30. We began our journey at home with some more mimosas. My beverage of choice this past week. Once we reached Las Olas and strolled around for a bit, we realized our purchase was pretty much useless. The shrooms were duds. Not effective whatsoever, but maybe that was a good thing. We had each taken an eighth and probably should have been blasting off at that point and in no condition to function in public. Instead, we met Chris at American Social and paid $20 for a Moscow Mule and a thimble full of Jack. That place is such a ripoff. Why do you think we both prefer Blondie’s? It’s the only place we can afford. Chris was wasted and highly entertaining. He hadn’t planned on it, but accompanied us on our journey for the remainder of the evening. The minutes seemed to creep by filled with an additional beer from Rocco’s. Josh procured an alternate fungal route from the person from which we should have originally collected. But we still had no idea how it was going to go. We were so worried my friend was going to cancel on us. Tell us I’m sorry, I can’t watch Jashar after all. My brother was originally suppose to meet up but had partied too hard the night before and throughout the following day.

Jackie stalled but did come through and take him around 10. Josh and I ate our chocolates unbeknownst to Chris and headed for the beach. It was clear after about an hour that this was along the lines of what we originally should have been experiencing. But things worked out the way they did for a reason. It was an interesting night. I blew the top off our secret to Chris because I hadn’t expected anything out of that second attempt and got way more than I had bargained for. The colors were brilliant and the cast of characters at Blondie’s were right out of Chalum’s Cantina, everyone a pirate. Chris and Josh were so loud and laden with so much testosterone fueled conversation, I had to keep escaping to maintain the overall vibe I was seeking. I felt their energy and exertion of that energy was way too much for their surroundings but quickly realized that I was actually the odd man out and they fit in quite nicely. I wondered if I had a lot to do with the basis of this “friendly banter” generously sprinkled with pent up anger and anxiety between the two of them. Or maybe it was just the drugs and alcohol….or maybe that was necessary catalyst needed to lubricate the thread. Either way, I enjoyed these momentary interludes of escape. I felt a naughty sense of freedom that had not been revisited in a very long time. That sense of nostalgic singledom…the energy, the confidence. Everywhere I went in those brief moments without my 6″4 entourage, I was approached within seconds by awaiting hunters. I quickly extracted myself from the various interactions, they were no interest to me, but the attention felt validated and made me smirk. I went from mimosa to mule to beer to mimosa to multiple ciders. I felt like shit the next day. We had initially planned on an early return at midnight for our son but when Jackie offered up 2, we quickly held her to that. Once again, god knows when this opportunity will happen again except with her and I doubt she will repeat this experience any time soon.

This night use to be a weekly occurrence for us if not sometimes nightly. Do I miss it? Yes. I absolutely miss all the piece of shit qualities that go along with the beach and its inhabitants. Is it a distraction from reality keeping me from moving forward accomplishing anything in my life? Yes. Am I afraid of reality? Yes. Am I afraid of what’s ahead of me? Yes. Would I like to feel excitement about what’s in store for me if I ever got my shit together and could “finally deal” like any good little 16 year old angst ridden teenager living inside a 33 year old woman’s body? Most definitely.