I have been doing so much internet research about female hormones and birth control and that it scared the shit out of me and made my head spin. Apparently, if you’re a woman past 40, all hope is lost. It is a slow steady decline to discomfort and death. forget about experiencing any type of enjoyment or passion ever again. Also if you are on birth control, say goodbye to any chance of libido. But of course I think I already knew that. Whole reason I went off of it a few years back and unleashed the beast and Oops…Hi Josh, Hey Jashar! Nice to meet ya! Guess you’ll be joining this train for the rest of your life. Hormones…they control everything. Logic and reason are just bystanders waiting to be pushed aside by the muscle bound powerhouses that be.  Hormones control the world. If they didn’t, it would be a very boring and sad place, definiitely no children haha

I spent hours of my life constructing a photo album for Josh’s mom today when apparently thy are quite obsolete. I don’t care, I am old school. Montage of Jashar of course. Then I thought it would b nice to have photos in our new place as well, Really starting out with that whole family vibe. We are moving tomorrow. So many memories good, great, bad, and ugly. I have such a nostalgic feeling for this place. Everything happened here. I went into labor here! Everything has happened here that has so dramatically changed the course of my life. Is this truly a new beginning? I know that’s how Josh feels. It’s scary to me because I again don’t ent to feel the disappointment. I am a hope machine.

I believe I can feel my hormones beginning to creep back into play. I decided to stick with the progesterone only pill for now and see how my estrogen does on it own first. I will decide again in a month time what i want to do next. It’s funny how even the littlest bit and you can feel it creeping in and working it’s magic. pin those webs of delusion and lies! Spin it!