I can’t believe I use to say, “I work out so I can drink beer.” I actually use to tell people that. It’s so embarrassing. I’ve spent my entire life filling my body with garbage and not even being fully cognizant of what it was I was doing. Not anymore. I love my body. I love my body. I love my body. I will start by showing my self worth by what it is I put inside of it. I am on day number 4 of no more sugar, nothing processed, only single ingredient foods, and I am already noticing a difference. My body doesn’t ache as intensely, I am even clearer, I sleep less but have more energy. It’s crazy. Day 4. I wonder what day 24 will feel like. And I am about to start my cycle. Normally I am falling apart. And right now I feel like I’m ovulating. I’m more hopeful than ever. I am great. And I can tell people that now with confidence.

I wonder is it ok to acknowledge the blame toward my parents still. I forgive them, but is it ok to still know that is the cause of my 30 year path of darkness? I was a child after all. What control did I have over my choices. And with zero positive mentors, who was there to help me take personal responsibility and ignite a change. I still wonder where that desire came from. To be someone people acknowledged for their greatness and creative ability. Specifically vocal ability. I wanted love and adoration, because I got none of it as a child. To some, I guess I sound like a spoiled brat. But kids need that type of attention, guidance, and instruction or else it really fucks them up. I have always fought with desire. Now I have none. Except for the desire to be as healthy as possible. Gone is the need for sex, for love, for attention, for acceptance, for fame, for acknowledgement. I need for nothing and everything simultaneously. I just want to keep moving upwards. Desire, specifically the wrong desires destroyed my life up until now. Wasted my younger years. I am forced with the only option to make these remaining ones my best. My second half second chance. I have to make something of my life. I’ve erased every bad habit that doesn’t serve me. Every step is intentional. Every foot forward is filled with purpose.