It’s so interesting how everything completely alters in a matter of weeks. A week ago was the last I heard from Chef P, but it was strictly business….he’s in and out of town anyways. But simultaneously, Mr. H decides to step it up. Now understandably so, even though I met these two boys in the very same magical year of 2011, I reconnected with the chef a month ago whereas I’ve been doing this dance with my Puerto Rican musician extraordinaire for a little over a year now. He’s back again from Nashville for a few weeks and has showed the most interest he’s ever displayed in spending time with me since we met I believe. I want to question it and then I don’t. The peak in interest is strange after all this time….then my ego sounds out and says, “Why is it strange?!” It is “me” we’re talking about after all. I’ve always seen how amazing we would be together….I’ve always felt the connection, maybe he’s finally breaking down those barriers and allowing his brain to absorb it as well. This time is different though. I feel calm. I don’t feel that intense, emotional provocation of obtaining for so long what I’ve wanted so desperately in the past to receive. Maybe it’s because I am now the one who has erected walls….or maybe I am no longer so desperate. Or maybe that side of me keeps waiting for it to go away and I don’t want to leave myself so vulnerably heart broken as I was before. Because he will go away, in a very short time frame. I so enjoy spending time with him, that whenever he leaves my presence, I go through a form of withdrawal. The New Year’s one was bad enough. Again, why I still cannot allow myself the pleasure of a dick induced orgasm. The emotional aftermath is much too painful.

So he wanted to hang out last Monday, but the weather was awful and we had made plans for Wednesday. He met me at the beach and of course oscillated between tequila shots and beer. We picked up Jashar from my mom at Dave’s then came out to the apartment, because Brittany had made dinner. I was completely shit-housed. It was not my type of food. Cow, dairy, pasta, sugar, everything I don’t eat. I had a few bites but apparently Harry over indulged, because he said he got so sick on his ride home that he almost passed out while driving from the stomach pains. I have no idea how he got so poisoned but he did. So the next day I drove all the way out to his parents house in Royal Palm where he’s staying while they’re in the Galapagos, and brought him digestive enzymes and electrolytes. He said he had had this entire day planned for us but he even had to cancel his gig that night because he felt so awful. We hung out, eventually fucked around a bit but even that was limited because of his condition. I, however, still managed to give a full service call if you know what I mean. It was nice, but it gets better….

Two days later, on Saturday, he and his bandmate picked me up and we drove down to the Keys straight to Lorelei in Islamorada. It was gorgeous. The backdrop of the stage was the water and the sunset. It was a great fuckin night. Brittany came down with Mickey. Bonnie from my gym showed up with her Harley guy, the manager from Fishtales happened about with his wife, full house, great set….loved it. The manager at the Lorelei even offered Mr. H and I a spare bedroom in his home to stay in. Privacy and a bed, thank God! Sex, several times over, fuck yeah! It was really nice having so much private time with him. Sex and drugs and Mr. H, what else could I possibly want in my first trip to the Keys in 16 years.

The next day we drove to Key Largo for the day gig at Gilbert’s. Another fantastic day! I was half alive but cocaine and tequila helped me make it through. Bonnie showed up again with her biker date and Henry and his girlfriend showed up as well as the guitarist’ girlfriend and her family. I finally met Ahu! They are very cute together, I hope I didn’t traumatize her too badly. I don’t know how to reign it in very well. Girlfriends tend to be rather intimidated by my personality. I sang a duet of Valerie the night before with another girl then this day I sang a duet of 4 non blondes with Harry. And we sounded great together. It’s so fuckin cute, there’s this one part after the first line of the chorus where we must have liked what was happening because we look at each other with attracted admiration and our gazes lock on each other and we smile. There’s a split second of distracted lingering where I look like I’m not going to get the mic back to my mouth in time to hit the next note but I do. I can’t stop watching it….makes me smile. After packing up we didn’t depart Key Largo till almost 7:30. My mom was not happy when we made it back after 9. She hung the phone up on me when she called a half hour before our arrival wondering where we were. I’m sorry she’s upset with me, but I wouldn’t trade that weekend for the world. It was an absolutely magical weekend. I fuckin love that guy. Who knows what the future holds. How much pain and heartache will be involved. But if he’s willing to take the risk, so am I. It’s always been Mr. H. I always would have chosen him. He just never made it evident till now that he was willing to choose me as well. He commented that he thinks about me so much that it’s distracting. And that he’s been neglecting this part of his life for a really long time. His love life. I’m wondering if the reason he said that to me is because he wants and is ready for me to be a part of it. We met for lunch on Monday in Delray and made plans for Saturday. He wants me to come to his recording session. I’m assuming we’ll venture out after that and spend the night together then he plans on departing back to Nashville the following day. Then I won’t see him till July I believe. I still have this desire to fuck P. I love fucking him. But I’m not sure how much further beyond that it goes. What Mr. H and I share is so vast in every aspect of being, I see potential there for the deepest connection and the best relationship I could possibly ever have. I truly believe we are soulmates if the two of us are willing to dive in and take it there.