Fuck!!! That’s all I can really profess right now is FUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!

Today is Valentine’s Day. A year ago I was a complete mess. Before last Sunday I would have said I can’t believe the distance I’ve mentally traveled in the course of a year. But the universe always has a tendency to seek that out and throw a curveball your way that slaps you in the face and reminds you what a crumbling ball of vulnerability you actually are. We’ll travel back to that momentarily…..so my Valentine’s Day….I’ve been offered dinner plans which I graciously declined, I’ve been blown off by Dezy and our Thursday recording session, and I was given a job offer that I think might be the answer to all my money problems for the immediate future if it follows course. God bless Karyn. My horoscope was dead fat accurate. I’ve been worried lately about my financial future and this wonderful matriarch of professional human essence just throws something in my lap because I am such a balanced human being. My nature has finally been recognized and appreciated.

So let’s talk about Saturday. Let’s talk about how I’m only 5 hours I was turned into a complete dumbass. Reverted back to a high school girl with a stupid crush for someone that apparently has no interest in me. My married friends decided to try to “set me up” with a good friend of theirs without my prior knowledge. I was completely blind sided. But I’m adaptable and I rolled with it. This guy I don’t think I would have looked twice at in a bar, but I have never experienced such an intense immediate chemical compatibility, dare I say, in my life. I have never laughed so much or seen another person respond so strongly to my off base brand of humor. I felt universal intervention unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. It blew everyone else out of the water. I found myself thinking fuck Dezy, fuck Mr. H, fuck Mr. G. It was actually as if you had taken Jim, Henry, Dezy, and Mr. H and rolled them into the same person. I was shook. Of course I would assume he would have been feeling the same crazy shit but why would that ever happen! I think he might even be seeing another girl that I know. My crazy intuition. And if it’s the girl I think…..I get it and I’m fucked. On the surface at least. She’s a mess, but she’s beautiful and cool. Does she have anything on me? Sort of and no. But not unless he’s willing to look past the surface and give me a chance. And that’s not gonna happen. WTF universe wtf.